Someone Else's Arms
by ACE5203
Summary: The aftermath of 6.22 Luke and Lorelai must deal with their mistakes.
1. Someone Else's Arms

All chapter titles, Taken from song titles by Mae.

Gilmore Girls --- not mine. If only.

_Two days and I've not slept a wink  
with these thoughts that I've been thinking._

_You toss and turn, I lie awake,  
who knows what I've been drinking.  
another cheap, meaningless kiss._

_I just wanna wake up._

_I just wanna wake up in someone else's arms._

**Someone Else's Arms**

She heard the voices, Gigi's, Christopher's, and the nanny's. Her brain wouldn't let her comprehend what they were saying, but she could hear them.

When the door closed, she felt the covers move and the bed shift as he climbed in and put his arm around her. No doubt he thought she was still asleep. What he didn't know was that she had barely slept all night.

She had lay there for hours, staring at the wall.

The flashes of the night's events replaying in front of her eyes.

The car. Lynnie, the therapist.

Luke. Her ultimatum. The look on his face. Walking away.

Christopher as he opened the door.

Crying.

Kissing him.

Making their way to his bed. Clothes silently being shed. The giddiness in his eyes.

A tight knot formed in her stomach as the rest played out.

His thin, cold lips on hers, on her skin.

His fingers uncomfortably, too soft and not rough, pleasurable like Luke's, touching her body.

The emptiness she felt with him inside her. No tears fell, no emotion came from her. Not on the outside.

On the inside she was fighting. Sobs racked her body in her mind. In her mind, she was screaming, pushing him away, kicking, biting, scratching. In her mind, she was crying out for Luke to come for her; he never did.

Now, he held her closer to him. And she finally woke up from her haze. She jumped up from the bed, searching for her dress. Finding it she dressed and turned towards the door.

"Lor, what are you doing? Come back to bed."

"What? You want me to come back to bed? You're kidding me. Did you think last night meant something, meant ANYTHING? Did you? If you did then I am sorry, because it definitely did NOT!"

"You don't mean that. I know right now you're still upset about Luke, but you came to me. You wanted to be with me."

"No, no Christopher, I did not want to BE with you. I WANTED a friend. Too bad I don't have one, at least not here."

"I am your friend." He said quietly.

"No, a friend would have stopped me from doing something so stupid. It didn't mean anything. I don't want you. I will never want you. This, this was the biggest mistake of my life." And with that she stormed out the door and out to her Jeep.

* * *

In the car, the tears still did not fall. She wondered what was wrong with her. Why wasn't she crying? She should be crying. She had lost the love of her life. Even if they could have worked that out last nights crazy ultimatum, she had ruined any chance of it by sleeping with Christopher. 

Luke wouldn't want her now.

He'd hate her.

He'd be angry, and he'd tell her how he knew this would happen.

Their problems would no longer be about them, but about her and Christopher.

Maybe it was better this way. It wouldn't be on his shoulders now, just hers. He didn't need anymore problems.

She started up the car and began the drive back to Stars Hollow.

She willed herself to cry. Her eyes were as dry as the desert.

When she stopped trying to make herself cry, she found that she felt dirty. Her skin was crawling. She needed a shower.

She pulled into town and past the diner. It was closed.

She wondered where he was. Had he left? Gone fishing? There was no sign on the door.

She turned onto her street and down past Morey and Babette's.

Parking her car and getting out she was surprised to see Paul Anka running towards her. She bent down to pet the wacky pooch and that is when she saw him.

There, sitting on her porch, was Luke.

"Hey." He said, standing up.

"Hey," she walked towards the house and up the porch steps, "what are you doing here?"

"Lorelai, we can't leave things like this. You were upset last night and so was I. I was worried about you, I hadn't seen or talked to you in a few days and then your at the diner talking about eloping and Anna and I snapped. I- I didn't know what to say, what to do. But I'm calm now and maybe you are too. We can talk now. We can make this better. I love you."

"Luke… I-I can't." She walked past him and into the house. He followed her.

"Yes, you can. We just need to talk. We haven't been doing that. But if we just sit down and talk, we can fix it, we can fix everything."

"No, we can't." Her voice was cold and shaky.

"Lorelai, I love you. You love me. That's all we need. Everything else, just details. Now, I know I've been doing things wrong, but you just tell me what you need and I'll fix it."

"God, Luke, you can't fix everything."

"I know that, but I CAN fix this. We can fix this."

"No, WE CAN'T. I messed up."

"I know, but I messed up too, I messed up first. We can talk about Anna and April."

"It's not about them Luke! It's about Christopher!"

His face changed, went from worried and anxious to confused and irate in 2.5 seconds.

"Christopher?"


	2. We're So Far Away

_Did you know how you would move me, did you know?  
Did you know how you would move me?  
well, I don't even think so.  
but the moment's magic swept us away.  
and it's so close, but we're so far away.  
It's so close, but we're so far away._

**We're So Far Away**

"Christopher?"

She saw the look in his face and that is when she felt the tears threatening to fall. But they didn't, she wouldn't let them.

"I slept with him." And there it was, out in the open. And she waited for the fallout.

"What? When?"

"Last night, after we fought I went to his place, to talk and… it happened."

"It happened? It just happened? You went there; you went there to sleep with him."

"No, no I didn't. I went there to talk. I needed a friend. I didn't find one."

"What? Lorelai, did he…?" His voice softened in worry as he said this.

"No. But he didn't stop things, and he had to have known that wasn't what I wanted."

"Sure, because past behavior says you don't sleep with him at inappropriate times, like say when you're engaged to someone else."

"We broke up. I said 'now or never', you said never."

"No I didn't. And as for being broken up, look at your damn hand Lorelai, you are still wearing MY ring." He walked out the door then, she didn't follow.

* * *

Ten minutes later she was upstairs, in the shower. The water was warm, too warm, near scalding. 

Tears were streaming down her face, uninhibited. Her face was contorted in sadness and self-loathing. The loofah in her hands being scrubbed roughly against her skin. In some areas, where she had scrubbed too hard, there were scratches and small droplets of blood.

As hard as she tried, she couldn't rid herself of the dirty feeling. She scrubbed and cried and screamed in frustration. She wanted it gone. She wanted the feeling of him touching her to go away, she wanted to remember what Luke's touch felt like. It hadn't been that long ago for them, a week maybe, but the memories were foggy now. The feelings wiped away by ten minutes of stupidity.

When she finally got out of the shower, she wrapped herself in her robe and lay down on her bed. Turning onto her stomach she began to sob again. She stifled the sounds with a pillow, until breathing became too hard and she began hitting and kicking at the pillow, the bed, and her own body. She screamed out, not caring if her nosy neighbors heard her.

This continued until she was too tired, sore, and hoarse to continue and passed out.

* * *

A week went by; she had heard nothing from Luke. She knew she wouldn't but she had hoped that maybe, maybe. 

Her days consisted of going to the Dragonfly, coming home, heating up an abysmal TV dinner or some tater tots, and then going to her room to cry herself to sleep.

It was a phone call six days into her misery that made her finally see a light at the end of the very dark tunnel.

It was her mother.

Emily had heard of her split from Luke after a phone call to Rory, worried because Lorelai hadn't answered her phone in five days. Rory had even told her grandmother of what had happened with Christopher, an event that angered and upset the young woman to no end. Surprisingly to Lorelai, Emily did not reproach her for her actions, neither did she gloat at the fact that she had dumped Luke and found her way back to Christopher's bed.

Lorelai felt that the worry in her mother's voice was genuine, so when the elder Gilmore told Lorelai of a small apartment that she and Richard time-shared in Italy she was intrigued.

Emily thought that perhaps a few weeks, a couple of months maybe away from things would help her daughter. When Lorelai, surprisingly to Emily, agreed and said she would appreciate that, plans began to be made. In two days time she would be on a plane to a town on the Amalfi coast, where sun shine and endless beaches awaited her.

* * *

Saturday evening, as she was packing, Lorelai heard a knock at her door. 

She went downstairs and opened it, Luke's pale defeated face staring at her when she did.

He didn't say a word, just came inside and into the living room. He sat on the couch and she stared at him from the archway, confused.

"They said- Patty and Babette, they said that you're leaving. You don't have to leave. I'll leave. I said I would. You shouldn't have to go if you can't be around me anymore."

She sighed and walked into the room, sitting down on the couch as far from him as she could.

"I'm not leaving. I mean I AM leaving, but I'm not moving. I'm taking a vacation. My parents, they have a place, it's in Italy. They think it'd be good for me. Who am I to argue with sun-soaked beaches?"

"Oh. So, you're NOT moving? It's just a vacation? One week, two? Then, you're back?" His voice was hopeful at that.

"No, maybe a month, maybe more."

"A month? More?"

"Yeah, just some time. Just, away. Sookie and Michel are okay with it. Michel was surprising, but I think Sookie threatened to serve him nothing but 2 milk and non-lean meat."

"Oh, I see." He started to get up and leave but then quickly say back down.

"Here's the thing, I love you. That should be enough right? It should be enough for us to be together. But somehow it's not because you slept with Christopher and that hurt me. But I want it to be enough."

"I do too. God, Luke. Did you know my parents were going to buy us a house?" His eyebrows jumped up at this. "No of course you didn't, I didn't tell you. They were, it's in Beacon Falls, but we could have 'greased' Taylor's pockets and moved Stars Hollow's town lines, it's THAT close. And it was perfect. I know I didn't want to move into the Twickham house but this house, this house was PERFECT, perfect for us anyhow. It was cozy, just like this place. But it had five bedrooms. Rory and April could have had their own rooms, and you and me, and the baby… if we had a baby. And we would have had a baby. A little boy and he would have been so much like you. There's a fishing pond on the property and when I saw it, I could see you, you and our son, out there on lazy Sunday's in the summer fishing together. And there were horse barns. I love horses. It was perfect." Somewhere in the middle of telling him about the house she began to cry, not blubbering but soft tears dampening her cheeks. "I wanted that, I really wanted that."

"Lorelai?" She looked at him, with a tear-stained face and shiny eyes. "I want that."

"What?"

"I want that, all of that. I still want it. I still want you. We both screwed up. And I'm still angry and upset about Christopher but, we can fix this. If it's still what you want, we can fix this."

"It is what I want Luke, I still want it too. But how?"

"You need to leave."

"Huh?" She'd never been so confused in her life.

"You need to leave. We need some time apart. I need to figure out where I went wrong and fix that and you need to think about what you need and what you need to do. So, I think that you should go, go to Italy or wherever and think and I'll stay here and I'll think. Then you'll come back, in a month, in two, whenever and we'll fix us." They both became silent then. He stared at her, hopeful. She stared right back, blankly. He couldn't figure out what she was thinking and mentally catalogued that as something he needed to fix, he was supposed to know her damnit.

"Okay. I'll go. And we'll think. And then we'll fix it."

"Okay." And he shook his head with a final affirmation and got up, walking towards the door. She stayed on the couch watching him walk away.

"Hey Luke," He turned and looked at her, "before I go, you have to know. No matter what happened or what will happen, you're the only man I've ever loved." He gave her a small sad smile and a nod, then left.

She sunk back into the couch and for the first time since the last time they talked, she didn't feel the urge to cry.

* * *

By Sunday morning, she was out of Stars Hollow and on a plane headed far away from home, from Luke but a lot more hopeful than she had been twenty-four hours before. 


	3. This is the Countdown

_I've been waiting for something,  
I've been sitting for too long.  
I've been waiting but oh tonight,  
this one last try, goes on and on and on_

_Should've known better than to listen._

_When the dreams and the words started falling apart._

**This is the Countdown**

It was a week after she left, a week full of heavy introspection, when Luke finally figured out what he needed to do first.

On a sunny spring day, as children were playing at the park across the street Luke Danes brought out a worn phone directory and leafed through the pages until he found what he was looking for. Dialing the number, his face was resolute. This step was the first one back to Lorelai, it was important and no way could he turn back now.

After he set the receiver back in its cradle on the wall, he leaned against the shelves and sighed. No turning back now.

Sixty minutes later he was dressing in his 'good pants' and button down blue dress shirt, face freshly shaven as he walked in the doors of the office.

The smell of new leather greeted him. He marveled at the pristine sitting room, surely this was a place you were more apt to see an Emily Gilmore (or a Christopher Hayden), but definitely not Luke Danes. He went to the desk at the end of the room and told the prissy looking woman there who he was and why he was there. She told him to sit down, he'd be called shortly.

Fifteen long minutes later, the woman looked at him.

"Mr. Danes?"

"Yeah?"

"Mr. Dagwood will see you now." And she pointed him to a large door down a short hallway.

"Thanks." He stood and walked to the door. Opening it and greeted the distinguished looking man on the other side.

Luke Danes hated lawyers. A fact he had known for a long, long time and had seemingly forgotten when he foolishly married one, on a cruise ship far away from the comfort of Stars Hollow. His association with that lawyer, and the one who handled the subsequent divorce, was one of regret but today sitting staring at the grey-haired man in front of him he decided that maybe not all lawyers were so bad. This one had greeted him kindly, explained everything he would need to know about custody law in Connecticut and did so in short concise words, explaining things in a way even the lawyer-phobic Luke could understand.

"Now, Luke, the first thing that will need to be done is a DNA test. We have to establish paternity. Not that I don't believe this girl is as smart as you say she is but a twelve-year olds science fair project isn't going to hold up in court. If Ms. Nardini tries to stop you from getting the test done, we'll need to put an order into the court for it."

"Once that's done, we'll put in an order for custody. You said you don't want to take the girl from her mother so what we'll do is ask for joint legal custody and visitation. This way Ms. Nardini will still have sole physical custody of April but you'll get to be a part of all the decisions in her life, schooling, medical, and whatnot and also get to see her on a regular basis without having to jump through hoops. This sound good to you?"

"Yeah… will April have to go to court? I don't want to do anything that would upset her."

"Mr. Danes, I know you don't but with her being thirteen and you being a relatively new fixture in her life, the judge is probably going to want to talk to her. This could actually be in your advantage, you said it seems like she likes spending time with you. All she needs to do is tell the judge this, they usually let children her age have a lot of say in their visitation arrangements. Most likely she won't have to actually BE in the court room, the judge will probably just talk to her for a little while in his/her chambers."

"Okay. I just, I just don't want this to get ugly but I realize things can't stay like they are."

"And admitting that and asking for your rights is just another part of being a good father. Don't worry, I think any judge will look at the situation and make sure you have your chance to be the father you want to be."

"Alright, first thing first, another DNA test?"

"Yes, now here is a paper outlining the procedure. Show it to Ms. Nardini and make an appointment. Its best if she'll co-operate and give her DNA as well makes things better for the results. On my end, I'll be starting up the papers and having them delivered to Ms. Nardini in order for her to find her own representation. Does that sound good."

"Yeah," Luke said as he stood up and reached his hand out to shake Mr. Dagwood's, "thank you, for everything."

"It's my job, just like coming here is your job as a father. It's a good thing you're doing, don't forget that." Luke nodded his head and left the room, as he walked out to his car he felt the sensation of an immense burden being lifted from his shoulders. Only once that happened, a new sensation began to build in his stomach. He started the truck and turned towards Woodbridge, there was one more place he needed to go today.

* * *

On the drive to Woodbridge, Luke thought very hard about what he was going to say. The wording was crucial. He couldn't just spring it on her, could he? Of course having a twelve-year-old daughter sprung on you wasn't something that should happen either.

He decided that it didn't matter how he said it, just that he did. She shouldn't be getting of scot-free like she had been. He had to make a stand, for him, for April, and for Lorelai. No more pushover Danes. He was resolute.

He pulled the truck into her driveway, got out and quickly walked to the door.

With three confident knocks he waited.

Anna Nardini opened the door and looked at him, surprised.

"Hey Luke, um… April's not here, she's at school."

"I'm not here to see April. I need to talk to you and I'd rather she wasn't here for that." At the serious look on his face she nodded her head and stepped aside to let him in.

They sat in her living room, her on the couch him in a chair.

"Do you want some tea or something?"

"No. This isn't a social call, Anna. I need to know what you said to Lorelai when she came to see you." Anna sighed and looked to the ground in thought. A few seconds later she looked up and began to speak.

"I just told her that I didn't want some passing ship in April's life. I don't bring men into her life until we have been dating for a long time. I told her that when you got married we could talk about how she fits in April's life."

"That's all?"

"I may have said something about engaged not being married when she tried to explain that she wasn't just someone that was going to leave but other than that yes."

"Why would you say that?" There is an angry look in his eyes.

"Because it's the truth, look I don't know anything about your relationship with this woman but I am April's mother and I have to make decisions about her well-being."

"Yes, well I am her FATHER. I can make decisions too. And NO you do NOT know a damn thing about my relationship with Lorelai. You don't know how I loved her and was her friend for eight years before I got up the courage to kiss her. You don't know how I would do anything for her and Rory. You don't know what we have been through to stay together. And you most certainly do not know how much we love each other and how we are IT. She's it. She's the one and she's in my life and April is now in my life so I need the two parts of MY life to be able to be in each other's lives as well." He was fuming by now.

"Look, I don't know what you think—"

"Oh you know what I think? I think you're a horrible person from keeping this from me. I don't hate you, but I cannot get over what you did. I had the RIGHT to know, Anna. I am her father; I had a right to know, no matter what, that I had a CHILD! You don't get to keep that from me and think that you get to hold all the cards. I called a lawyer. I want my rights. I am going to get my rights. Do you understand that? I don't want to take April from you. I don't want to change her living situation. She stays with you but I want decisions in her life and a proper visitation schedule. Can you live with that?" There was a long silence. Both stared at each other in quiet defiance of the other. After a few moments, Anna looked to the ground once more and exhaled loudly.

"Yeah."

"Good. First thing that my lawyer said needed to happen would be a proper DNA test. I've called a hospital and if we can go Wednesday afternoon we can get the blood taken and have the results ready before court next Friday. They said its best if the samples are from all three of us. Will you co-operate?"

"Yes."

"Fine, I'll see you Wednesday then. Tell April to call me when she's done with her homework tonight." And with that he walked out the door. He immediately felt a huge burden being lifted. The fight wasn't over, but he knew as long as he stood strong that he'd come out victorious with April and with Lorelai.


	4. Breakdown

_ "It's tragic," she says to me.A song in the air, we're together floating.  
What I miss everyday since our goodbye  
was enough for me to realize._

_Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.  
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.  
Is it ever gonna come_

**Breakdown **

By June, Luke thought that perhaps his life was finally starting to settle down.

Since the moment that April first walked into the diner he had this feeling that he was being hung upside down and shaken. Nothing made sense anymore, not after that day. He guesses that is why it took so long to tell Lorelai. Saying it, would have made it real and at the time he'd have done anything to make it go away.

From the moment the words 'will you marry me' left Lorelai's lips he wanted nothing more that to do just that. Even after April, all he wanted was for her to be his forever.

The DNA test was now done, and it was official, April was his. The moments he sat waiting for the doctor to tell him the results were strange ones for him. He loved having April around, he really did enjoy the whole being a dad thing, but deep inside of him he wondered that if maybe she wasn't things would be better. He fought those feelings back, but he still wondered. When the doctor finally confirmed his paternity he shook the man's hand and took the paperwork he was handed to give to his lawyer. He stood up, thanked Anna for her cooperation and went into the hall to tell April. April really didn't seem all that surprised; she of course had thought it ridiculous that they were even asking for another one since hers was, in her mind, flawless.

Tonight, he sits in his chair and finally lets his thoughts come to the surface. He felt guilty for them. April was a great kid, his kid, so why had he even thought about not wanting to her to be. He knew the answer to that really. It was Lorelai. Thinking back he knew he had never thought about children until her. It started even before they became the good friends that they were, even before she was out of her 'Duke' stage.

He would stand there and watch her with Rory. He would see them together and his mind would wander and he'd see himself with them. She would kiss him and Rory would hug him and they would be a family. He'd shake his head and continue his annoyed with her routine.

Some years ago, at the dance marathon, he remembers vaguely telling her that kids probably wouldn't be so bad with the right person, all the while thinking that maybe she could be the right person.

And shortly before they got together, in the kitchen of the Dragonfly, he remembers their words to each other, 'at least you got married', 'at least you had a kid'. And after they had kissed on the front porch of the Dragonfly and she had called to tell him that it was something she didn't want to forget he thought about those words and vowed to himself that they'd give each other these things.

April's presence in his life made him break the vow. He didn't hate her for that, he couldn't, she was his child, but he did still blame himself for ruining that perfect scenario he had for Lorelai and himself.

Even now, with things going so great for him and April, he thinks of what it would be like for him, for him and Lorelai, if she had never come into their lives. A part of him thinks that they would have continued on, tomorrow is the third and tonight could have been the night before his wedding.

* * *

He finally goes to sleep and then is awakened by a ringing phone. He ignores it until the answering machine finally picks it up and a familiar voice is heard.

"Luke? Hey! I know I know… it's very late there; actually it's probably very early, either way I should NOT be calling you at this hour. I know that and I'm sorry, I just… needed to talk to you. It's June 3rd and I needed…" As soon as she says June 3rd he jumps out of bed and runs for the telephone, he stubs his toe and shouts out a few expletives before addressing her.

"Lorelai? Lorelai? Are you still there?" He shouts into the phone hoping he hasn't lost her call.

"Yeah. Hey… Hi!"

"Hey…. How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Good."

"Great. Uhm, how are things? April? The weather? Kirk?"

"Great. April's fine, breathing. The weather is… hot. And Kirk… is… well he's Kirk."

"Glad to hear that hasn't changed."

"You thought it would?" She laughs, but it seems very uncomfortable to him.

"No." There is a silence then and if he didn't hear the softness of her breathing he'd probably think she had hung up.

"Lorelai…?"

"Yeah?"

"You called…?"

"Yeah, I know I shouldn't have. I mean you were probably asleep and it's so early for you and oh man, you probably have a bread delivery and a long day tomorrow. Luke, I am so sorry. I'm just going to hang up now."

"NO! Its okay, I don't have a delivery this morning. It's okay that you called. I'm glad you called… I miss your voice." She laughs again and this time it seems more like her.

"Yeah, I am so sure you miss my incessant babbling."

"Oh… but I do. Really, I haven't had a good conversation on the merits of the 5-lb burger in weeks."

"It'd be very filling you know. I bet you'd get a lot more orders for it than you think."

"It'd take two hours to cook and I don't think even _you _could finish it."

"Oh, the bottomless pit that is my stomach astounds all, my friend."

"Yes, including the medical community."

"Ha-ha." She is silent for a moment, "Luke… it's June 3rd."

"I know."

"It's June 3rd and I know I probably don't even have the right to be calling you right now but today was supposed to be our wedding day. It may have only been for two seconds but it was and I just… needed to talk to you."

"I know. Believe me; I've been dreading today all week. I know what today means, I know what it meant to you. And not just what it meant to you, it meant a lot to me too. I know that you didn't think that, but it did."

"I know. I know it did. I am so sorry, for thinking that it didn't. I've been thinking a lot and I know that I wasn't fair to you. You said eloping was okay, but I couldn't even wait until the summer like you said. I'm sorry I pushed you."

"You don't have to apologize, I'm sorry I said I couldn't."

"No, you're not." He furrows his brow and breaths deeply.

"Lorelai… I…"

"No, Luke. You aren't sorry you said you couldn't that night and you shouldn't be. I see it now. Your fiancée avoids you for days and then ambushes you all crazy and tells you that tonight's the night you _have _to get married. You shouldn't be sorry for saying no and trying to calm me down. It wasn't right of me. I should have talked to you. It was stupid and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that happened that night."

"Lorelai, I think that I get it. You wanted it so bad and it didn't seem like I did too even though I can guarantee you that I did. I wasn't really talking either and I know now what Anna said to you and she was wrong and I know that it probably threw you but… that's all taken care of now, or at least it _will_ be taken care of."

"What are you talking about?" He smiles a little, he thinks she'll be proud of him for finally taking steps in the right direction.

"I uh… got a lawyer and an official DNA test. She's mine and we have this mediation next week and… my lawyer, he thinks that I'll get everything I want, that because of everything that's happened I've got a good chance of it. Actually, he thinks we might not even have to go to court, which would be great. If Anna and I and the lawyers can you know hash out a plan together, we won't need to. So far she's been cooperating. My guy says it's probably because she knows that I'd have good reason for joint custody if I wanted it."

"And you don't?"

"No. I don't want to change everything for her. No one week there another here. I just want to have a say in her life and to be able to see her when I want to and not have to stick to Anna's crazy rules."

"That's good Luke, really good. I'm happy for you. You didn't deserve that; she shouldn't have done that to you. I can see it, you are a great dad."

"I don't know about that, but I'm trying."

"And that's good Luke, April is so lucky to have you trying so hard for her."

"It's not just for her." He sighs and knows it's the truth.

"What do you mean?"

"I know I didn't want you to be in it at first and I see how that was pretty stupid but it wasn't _just_ about her liking you more. I wanted _you_ to see that I could do it, I wanted you to see I could be a good and responsible dad."

"Why?"

"You know why, don't think that I changed my mind about 'the kids' just because April came around."

"But I could have helped you…"

"I didn't WANT you to, Lorelai! I needed to do it on my own. I already know you're a good mom, the best. I was the one who screwed Jess up…"

"NO! Don't think that, you didn't screw him up. You told me, you told me how good he is doing now and how proud of him you are. Luke, you are the reason that kid is going to go places now. He was so messed up when he came to you. I know I have never been his biggest fan, but I also know that he only got better by being around you. And you didn't need to show me you'd be a good dad. I knew. I knew, after you said you wanted kids that you'd be a great dad."

"I just thought… Anna didn't think that I'd… be a good dad. I never wanted you to think that."

"She was wrong Luke. She was wrong not to tell you, know matter how you'd react."

"I know that now. I mean, I know you'd never have done that."

"Not exactly, I never would have hid a kid from you but I know what it's like to think you'd have reacted badly."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I thought I was pregnant."

"What… when did you…?"

"After that party in New York, you know the one for the article about the Dragonfly. We were a little… uhm… 'Primordial' that night and things, well thing, were forgotten. And I realized that and then Sookie was giving birth and I was eating apples and I thought, for like two seconds that maybe… and I wasn't happy about that idea. I thought that maybe you'd leave. I know how wrong I was about that now, but at the time it seemed like it would be the last thing you'd want. I guess that was just me, not paying attention."

"You could have told me."

"It was over before it began. I mean, literally I thought for a few hours that I was."

"You still could have told me, after it was over. We could have talked about kids. Would you have… if you thought I wanted them then… would you have wanted to be pregnant?"

"Oh, Luke, I don't know. This was around the time of the whole Durham Group thing and we had just gotten back together. I don't know, it might have been nice. I just… when I thought about having another kid, and it wasn't that often, I always thought I'd be married."

"After I said I wanted them. After we got engaged… did you really think kids would be good? Did you really want one with me?"

"Yes."

"Weeks before you weren't sure, but all of a sudden you were?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Humor me." He could hear her sigh on the other and though their conversation had gotten serious he thought for a moment she would hang up.

"That night, before I came to you wanting to elope, I sat in a car in my parent's driveway talking to a psychologist. She was actually a woman my mother invited as a blind date for Christopher, shocking I know. We sat there talking, about my life, about you, about what had been going on. And I told her, you were the only man I had ever loved. I told her I wanted another kid. And that surprised me. I'd never really thought it was something I truly wanted. But when I said it, I knew it was true. She said some other stuff about needing to go for what I wanted and if I didn't get it that maybe it wasn't meant to be. And now, I am definitely thinking that was some very bad advice. I should have checked her credentials. But I think what sent me to you that night was the fact that I wanted another kid. I'm not getting any younger. And it's something I really wanted. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to have your baby."

"Is that what sent you to Christopher too?" He regretted it the moment he said it, but that didn't change his curiosity at the answer.

"No. If I had another kid, I'd only want it to be yours. I'm not sure why I went there. I'm not sure I can understand it myself so it'd be hard to explain it to you. I just, I was lost. I thought you didn't want me anymore. I hope that you can forgive me, I know that you said you still love me and that we could have a chance to work it out but I do hope you forgive me. As it is, I don't know if I can ever forgive myself." The sound of her soft crying is like a knife through his heart. He never likes hearing her cry.

"And that's the important part. Don't worry about me forgiving you. I think I can, I may have already. Just, when you come back… I want you to know. I want you to really know what you want and I want you to know that you deserve what you want too. I don't like you unhappy, Lorelai."

"I know. Look, it's really late and I've really liked talking to you. You don't know what it means to me that you picked up."

"I think I do, probably means the same as you calling does to me."

"I love you. Maybe it's too soon for you to hear that from me, but I need to say it."

"Lorelai… I love you too."

"Bye." The phone softly clicks and he looks at it for a moment before returning it to its cradle.

"Goodbye, Lorelai."

* * *

On Father's Day, after he has spent the day with April, he thinks about the conversation he had with Lorelai on the third. She hadn't called again since then and he spends his nights wishing she would. Normally he is a very heavy sleeper but these days he sleeps so lightly he could be woken by a pin drop, but a ringing telephone would do.

He wants to talk to her again. He misses her, misses her voice, her laugh. So he does the only thing he can think of and calls Rory to get her number. Rory is reluctant, but he assures her that he just wants to talk to her like they did on the third. She is surprised to hear that they had talked, apparently that is not something that Lorelai had shared with her daughter. She gives him the number and before she hangs up she wishes him a happy Father's Day and a good luck.

He dials the number, an entirely too long one in his mind, and then waits for her voice to come over the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey… how did you…"

"Rory."

"Oh. She and I will have to talk about her giving out my number to strange men."

"I'm a strange man?"

"Wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher."

"You really need to get off that, you know you like the flannel."

"Oh yes, I do. In fact, I am a little embarrassed to report… you're flannel has come to Italy without you."

"Which one's the traitor?"

"Ol' Blue"

"Ah, I see. Well, tell 'Ol' Blue' he won't be welcomed back by the others after his worldly travels."

"Well, you tell the others that 'Ol' Blue' is having a grand time without them. Besides, he'd rather be here with me and the gentle breeze and salty ocean scent over a musty closet in Stars Hollow."

"How did we get to a point where I go along with you crazily making inanimate objects sound like people?"

"You know you like it, keeps your life interesting."

"Among other things…"

"So… you called me… what's the word bird?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"What?"

"The last time we talked, we discussed kids."

"You can't get me pregnant over the phone, Luke. I thought Stars Hollow was a little backwards but I could have sworn Rory got that talk in 8th grade."

"I know that, I just… you brought it up and I…"

"Luke… No. I'm not pregnant."

"You're sure."

"Positive… Or in this case, extremely NOT positive."

"And you're absolutely sure."

"You'd be pretty grossed out for me to go into detail about how sure I really am."

"Lorelai…" He said exasperated.

"You asked. And I know you don't want to know the inner workings of my… er, inner workings… but there you have it, I am not currently with child. In fact, I haven't been so in nearly 22 years."

"I just, I wanted to make sure. Because of what we had talked about and…"

"…Yesterday was Father's Day."

"That might have had a little to do with my thinking."

"It's okay; you just wanted to make sure you didn't have anyone else that would be coming along for you to celebrate with next year."

"Or anyone else." He thought he had said it softly enough that she wouldn't hear, but he was wrong.

"Right… Or anyone else."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Open, honest communication; I think that is what we should be working on, we kind of suck at it."

"That, I know."

"We didn't always."

"I know. We didn't always."

"What happened?"

"I don't know. Maybe, we were scared. Once we got together, I don't think either one of us wanted to jeopardize it."

"But we did."

"We did. We'll work on that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, we'll work on talking about everything. Our feelings, our day."

"I always liked it when we just sat down and talked about our day. It was the most mundane stuff usually, but it felt good. It felt right…" She didn't really end her sentence, he felt her voice just float away from him like she was remembering something.

"Hey Lorelai…?"

"Yeah?"

"How was your day?" He could almost see her smile and when she spoke he swore to himself he could hear it.

"It was good. Actually, my whole weekend has been pretty good. I went to Cortona… saw that Francis Mayes house. It's really pretty."

"The…Under the Tuscan Sun house?"

"That very one, I've trained you well."

"You made me watch it four times in two days."

"I always felt like Diane Lane and I had a deep connection… kindred spirits."

"You haven't met any Italian Casanova's have you?"

"No… except that one… he told me I was 'Bella, beautiful American'."

"You're Italian accent needs some work."

"I'll ignore that… of course he was about nine… but it was the thought that counts."

"No bohemian American writer's either I take it."

"Eww, no, that guy looked like a putz."

"So, there's definitely no chance of you buying a Tuscan villa?"

"Nope. Stars Hollow is the place to be; crazy living is the life for me."

"Please don't go into a full out song, I beg you."

"Excuse me! I'll have you know my singing is famous."

"For… getting Paul Anka to howl all night long?"

"HEY! Speaking of Paul Anka…"

"He's good."

"You see him everyday?"

"Every single day."

"You go to my house everyday to see him?"

"No…"

"Then how do you see him?" He holds the phone away from him and addresses the lump lying on his bed.

"Mutt, Speak!" The dog gives three loud barks and Luke can hear Lorelai squealing on the other end.

"He's there? You let him stay with you? Softy!"

"Yeah, yeah, he kept Babette up barking all the time."

"No… you're a softy."

"Whatever… I think I should go now."

"Luke… you're too good for me." Her voice is soft and he can't believe she even thinks that.

"No… I'd _like_ to think I'm just right for you..."

"That might just be it."


	5. Mistakes we knew we were making

_ We made plans to be unbreakable,  
love was all we knew.  
No insurance for the unthinkable,  
blindly get us through.  
We've been searching for a lifetime,  
short as it may seem.  
Riding on the fuse that spark us,  
while igniting dreams._

_Mistakes we knew we were making.  
_

**Mistakes we knew we were making.**

The ninety degree weather of June and July beat down on Stars Hollow until mid August. And then one day it began to rain, a relentless unending rain that lasted three days. When the rain stopped the citizens of Stars Hollow once again took to the streets and rejoiced for the sweltering heat of summer was gone, replaced by gentle breezes of perfect seventy degree weather.

Luke Danes barely noticed.

His summer had been a busy one, despite the heat, tourists came in droves to Stars Hollow and its surrounding areas to escape their own lives and crowd those of the locals, buying antiques (and most importantly, burgers) as they came and went. Things were beginning to slow down.

It was that magical time between the summer peak and the fall-leaf watchers now. Taylor was busy buzzing about and planning the end of summer festival, not to mention beginning the committees for the welcome to fall festival that would soon follow.

In between burger and omelet sales, Luke kept busy with April.

At first, taking the time it took to finalize all the things necessary for visitation and support.

The mediation with Anna and he and their lawyers had gone relatively smooth, one hitch being when she tried to bring up the subject of significant others. Luke vehemently refused to allow anything to go into the papers that would keep him from introducing his daughter to whomever he chose; his lawyer had agreed with that and after Anna's lawyer had gotten her to see that she really couldn't do such a thing, they proceeded in a civil manner.

Now, Luke gets April every other weekend (he'd fixed up Jess' old side of the apartment and put up a partition for her), school break, and holidays, as well as any day throughout the week that April and he (and Anna) agree upon. Anna was also coming along, a bit roughly at first but as time passes she seems to be more and more at ease with the situation. Not that Luke really cares too much about her worries. He sees April smiling when they hang out or rolling her eyes at him doing something very dad-like and knows that he is being a good father and that Anna isn't the one he has to prove anything too, just April. And still maybe, Lorelai as well.

Lorelai, another thing that has kept Luke busy throughout this summer.

After their talk on Father's Day the calls between them became more and more frequent. They now talk every single day. Sometimes he will call her and other times she will call him. It is not something they plan on, this calling every day, but more an act that they cannot suppress. If it gets too late in a day and they still have not talked, one must call the other. They cannot stop the impulse nor do they want to.

It is late in the evening, on a day early in the third week of August, and Luke has finally come up from the diner after having cleaned up after the tail end of the summer tourists when his phone rings and he smiles. He knows who it is; he does not require modern technology in the form of caller-ID to tell him. It is Lorelai. He unbuttons his flannel shirt and hurriedly grabs an ice-cold beer from the fridge as he walks over to his bed to pick up the phone ringing loudly on his bedside table.

"Hey." He says in a voice low and drawn out, in the way of a man who knows that a beautiful woman is on the other end.

"You know, one of these days it's not going to be me on the other end of the line and whoever it is will find out your secret."

"My secret?"

"Yes, your secret. The 'I act all gruff and manly and dress like a lumberjack but am 'secretly' dead sexy" secret."

"Ah… That secret, well, it's bound to come out sometime."

"NEVAH! If Ms. Patty ever gets hold of this sensitive information, I won't be able to save you my man, and it can only end in tragedy."

"She may already know. I was at Doose's the other day and she pinched my ass."

"Well, I can't blame her… you've gotta nice ass." She was teasing him and he loved it.

"Jeez. Between you, Ms. Patty and Sookie… I tell ya."

"SOOKIE? MY Sookie? Chef at the Inn Sookie? Best friend of ME, Sookie?"

"How many Sookie's do you know?"

"Married to the 'mushroom man", Sookie?"

"YES! Her, Sookie, B-F-O-T-B Sookie, 'I found a little groom topper with your ass' Sookie."

"She really needs to stop talking about your ass without me."

"Withou…? YOU TALK TO HER ABOUT MY ASS?" He felt so used, like nothing more than a piece of meat.

"Well, Hun, it's a fantabulous ass. One of the top twenty in New England, I'd say."

"Only the top twenty?"

"Well, maybe top ten"

"That's a little better."

"I'm sorry; I will never talk about your ass to Sookie anymore. I mean, why talk to HER about it when you see to be more than willing to talk about you ass with me."

"Change subject, please." The phone goes quiet for a moment and he thinks she is just racking her brain for some inane subject to talk about, however, when she speaks her voice is serious.

"Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"You wanted to help plan the wedding didn't you? I mean, Sookie was all B-F-O-T-B and then I planned everything in one day. You wanted to help didn't you?"

"Yeah… but it's… Lorelai… it wasn't a big deal. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything weird. Wasn't Sookie supposed to have dancing mushrooms or something at her wedding?" He wanted to brush off this subject. Not only did the mention of their non-wedding hurt but he didn't want her to know how badly he had really wanted to be apart of the planning.

"That was my mother's idea."

"Well, good thing she wouldn't have wanted to plan our wedding."

"Oh, she foresaw a diner-themed wedding for us. Complete with ketchup bottle bouquet."

"Great. When was this? After Rory came back?"

"Actually, no; it was before we even got together."

"When?"

"Around the time your uncle died."

"That long ago?"

"Yeah, actually she uhm… she… at Rory's sixteenth birthday party, when you brought the ice, mom thought you had a thing for me."

"Well, she was right, I did." No reason for him to lie about it now, she knew he had been pining.

"She also thought I liked the idea of you having a thing for me."

"Did you?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't. You know, I thought about it. I thought about it, US, a lot over the years of our friendship."

"Yeah…?"

"Yeah, when we were supposed to paint the diner together, I thought maybe that was like going to be a date type event. Sounds silly, I know."

"No, it doesn't. I sort of thought the same thing."

"But then I didn't show… and… it didn't happen then."

"Yeah… Christopher happened" He couldn't hold back the bite in that.

"Yeah…" Her voice was solemn and he had the feeling she had no idea what to say.

"As always."

"Not always." She tried to make it sound defiant, but it was a weak come back and they both knew it.

"Yeah, not always, just most of the time: _then_, when we fought over the _crash_, at your parents _vow renewal_, after we were _engaged_; but no, not ALWAYS."

"I don't love him." The tone of her voice was final. No one could listen to her say that and not believe her… but still… for Luke, it was hard to.

"You say that, but every time… EVERYTIME, I get close or I screw up he's there. Is that how it's going to be, forever? When we're married? I come home late and you're not there but at Christopher's. We have a fight and instead of staying and working it out, you go to him? I act in a way that makes me unworthy of the pedestal that YOU put me on for a few months and then instead of fixing that or confronting me about that you get mad and you give up and you go to HIM?"

"NO! It wouldn't be like that! I thought we were getting better. I thought we were working this stuff out."

"We are! This is COMMUNICATING!"

"THIS IS YELLING! This if FIGHTING, Luke." Her voice was becoming more and more hoarse, with every word spoken.

"Well, at least it is better than NOTHING, which is what you did for MONTHS! I didn't KNOW Lorelai, I'm sorry, but I didn't KNOW. I'm not perfect, I'm just a man. A man who got thrown for a loop and didn't think that the one person he loved more than anything, the only person he trusted with anything in his life in YEARS would be the person to leave him. I thought I had you, I thought if anything I was doing was hurting you that you'd tell me because you knew me enough to know that I'd never want to hurt you."

"You always used to know everything I was thinking." She spat the words at him over the phone wire.

"I'm not a fucking mind-reader! There was something, something HUGE, going on in my life. I am so sorry, that I couldn't take the time to bow down to the Lorelai Gilmore temple."

"Oh, so what, I'm selfish? I was selfish when I gave you the time you asked for, when I tried so hard to be respectful of your wishes, to be PATIENT?"

"PATIENT? You think you were patient? Yes, I said we could elope, but I thought the point of postponing a wedding was to plan one AFTER the original date. Not to be at work and have your fiancée flying into your business acting all crazy and demanding to elope before running off to sleep with someone else."

"God, Luke! What do you need? What do you need from me to get over that, to forgive it, to realize that I love you and only you?" She was pleading. She needed an answer and she needed one that she could plausibly do.

Luke sighed. His beer had been knocked over in the dispute as he gestured wildly. He sat on the bed, then sank into it and brought his free hand through his hair.

"You; I just need you, all of you." And he quickly sat up and laid the phone on its cradle.

It has now been three days since he has talked to Lorelai. After the first day of silence he tried to call her but her phone just rang and rang without an answer. He found himself at a cross-road. He has no idea what to do now. Wit her being in Italy and not answering the phone, he sees no way to continue with the forward motion that they had been so diligently working at. His hopes are that she will call him in a few days time and that one fight wouldn't deter them from making amends. Mostly, he just misses her; and not just her calls. He misses seeing her face, her eyes, and her smile. He misses the smell of her shampoo, the feel of her body pressed against his in a tight embrace. Longingly, he thinks back to the days not so long ago when the bell would ring and he would look up and there she would be, talking a mile a minute and begging for coffee.

His thoughts are deep all day long and soon it is time to close up for the night. He turns the sign to closed, lowers the lights, and sets about the task off wiping tables and upturning chairs. He is facing the kitchen wiping down the crumbs from the toaster when the bell rings. Without turning around he addresses the unwanted intruder.

"We're closed. Come back tomorrow."

"Could I just get a cup of coffee? I'm a bit of a junkie when it comes to that stuff and I haven't had a good cup in a while." He stiffens and then turns. He feels his eyes involuntarily glisten but holds back that particular emotion.

"Lorelai?"

"It's Mimi, actually. I was here a few years back, great coffee, thought I'd come back for another cup."

"Yeah… sure." He grabs a cup from under the counter, in the back. It is her favorite one. Setting the mug down in front of her as she sits in her usual spot at the counter, he grabs the pot of coffee and pours the hot black liquid. She grabs the mug with two hands, closes her eyes and inhales deeply before taking a long sip.

"Just as good as I remember."

"That stuff will kill ya."

"I'll take my chances." And there they are, her sipping coffee and he behind the counter, staring at her; these are the roles that they have played for ten years.

Junkie. Angel.

She looks up at him and smiles, eyes sparkling.

"I've missed you burger boy." And before he knows it she is crying and to his surprise he feels wetness on his cheeks and realizes that he is too. He leans back against the rear counter, not knowing what to do. And then she is moving. She slides off of the stool and comes around the counter. They are instantly hugging. His arms wrapped tightly around her and hers are clutching him in return. Her head is against his chest and he leans his cheek to her head, inhaling her scent. After a few moments she pulls back slightly and their eyes lock. They both laugh and sniffle back tears. She brings her hand to his cheek and softly caresses it.

"You've got me, all of me, forever." And her lips capture his and they are melting together and somehow they know that they'll be okay.


End file.
